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Friday the 13th

Remake. Reboot. Rehash. Any way you slice it, the new Friday the 13th is the same-old, same-old.


Crystal Lake. Dumb kids in the woods. Sex, drugs, booze. A hulking maniac in a hockey mask, wielding a machete. Yeah, that about sums it up.


Are you kidding? The new Jason, Derek Mears, probably fares best among the actors, because he doesn't have a single word of dialogue. Everyone else unfortunate enough to stumble in front of the camera – Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Danielle Panabaker, Travis Van Winkle – is basically fodder for the slaughter. Some of them get naked. Most of them get dead. Some die more gorily than others. No one dies quickly enough.


Having previously (and woefully) directed the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, helmer Marcus Nispel does his best – and worst – to resurrect yet another popular horror franchise from the past. He also adds absolutely nothing new to the formula. Quite frankly, anyone could've directed this film. Judging by the results, anyone did. This is the 12th Friday the 13th film, for those keeping score at home, and with any luck it'll be the last. Of course, it won't be. But we can always hope.

Bottom Line rated this film 1 star.